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How to Quit Porn in 30 Days | 15 Tips for Porn Addiction Recovery
I'm going to tell you how to quit porn in 30 days using 15 tips for porn addiction recovery. You probably know I’m not a fan of big, bold claims, but…
After 8 years of sobriety, I’ve learned a few things about how to quit porn. Secrets for porn addiction recovery that have helped me out…and now I want to share them with you.
I know your “hype detector” is probably sounding the alarm right now. I’m not here to tell you that I have all of the answers, nor do I think that quitting porn in 30 days is a realistic endeavor.
BUT… I do believe that you (just like I did) can get a really excellent start for porn recovery in as little as 30 days.
A start that will help you get clean for months…and then years.
It’s hard to avoid porn these days. It is so easy to access, and there are so many things we face that don’t make it easy to avoid the temptation. I’ll give you 15 tips that are different from most of the buzz going around. Secrets that are genuinely helpful, some of which you may never have considered.
So, here are my 15 tips to help you stop watching porn…and start your recovery within 30 days…
PRIVATE FACEBOOK GROUP FOR ADDICTION RECOVERY
FREE EBOOK & AUDIOBOOK WITH 3 SIMPLE METHODS FOR RECOVERY
Podcast Episode 8: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2056963/12120490
YouTube Video: https://youtu.be/3C2Px54PQDg
Use Gratitude to Curb Porn Cravings
What does that have to do with porn addiction recovery, right? But when it comes to addiction recovery, really, it's all about improving our mindset.
It's all about us getting stronger mentally, physically, spiritually. It's all about us building our lives in multiple ways to really gain stability, mentally and emotionally, and to get into a better space.
I have a free ebook & audiobook that teach you how to use gratitude in very specific ways to work through porn addiction.
Let me give you a few more tips on gratitude in the meantime. Let’s start with gratitude writing.
Throughout my recovery, something that helped me was gratitude writing. It helped me get into a state of peace. Addiction is so much a state of chaos in the mind. It's a state of high stress, a perceived lack of self-worth, right?
This is a major part of what I teach my students to do - to build a more secure sense of self-worth. Because when we don't have that, we fall into addiction again and again.
Instead of setting up more expectations for ourselves - instead of heaping on the stress - gratitude gets rid of the stress because it's free of expectation. It says, “I'm just taking life as it is. I'm going to be grateful for what blessings I have. I'm going to focus on the positive.”
The amazing thing is that when we do that, it actually empowers us to do more positive things. It empowers us to recover, to overcome, to find peace. It's why it's been taught in religions for thousands of years.
Get a Support System
This can be as simple as counting on even one person. Even one person can make a huge difference. I know for me, my dad made a huge difference when I was going through really difficult times in recovery. When I just felt like I was hanging on by a thread.
It’s beneficial to have multiple people, which is why I have a private group for the people in the Become A Good Man Community that are trying to recover from porn addiction. But, even if you have just one person to lean on in the hard times, this can get you through.
It's one thing to stay connected with others in the good times, and we need to be. But it’s the bad times - the dark times - when we need to keep connecting, keep reaching out.
Even when you’ve been sober for a prolonged period of time, life doesn't get easier. It gets better, but not necessarily easier.
Your dopamine levels hike up in your brain. You feel more motivated. You feel happier. Multiple things in life that you previously just didn't care for - the subtle things in life - become more enjoyable. But while many things improve, challenges and trials don’t go away.
Be sure to connect with people consistently, so that in the hard times you have a support system in place. Just getting even one person in your life to call and check in with can really help you during those first 30 days - and beyond - to quit porn.
Give Up Access to Your Devices
Tip number three is to give up access to your devices. This sounds really crazy to a lot of us, right? We think, “How could I ever give up my cell phone or my computer? I need them for work, school, etc.”
I totally get that. I use my phone to calendar, listen to audiobooks, listen to music, and of course to contact others. I'm constantly using my phone. I’m not suggesting that you never have access period, but that you give up access at all times that it’s possible to do so. At least temporarily.
Hand your devices over to someone in your family, a roommate, or a friend. Say, “Hey, I can't have this right now. I'm just in my first period of sobriety and I need some time away from these things.”
Then, later on - 2 or 3 months down the road - you can start to have access to your devices a little more often, depending on your situation.
Set Up Rules & Boundaries
Tip four is to set up rules and boundaries for your devices. Once you gain a little more trust for yourself, which again can take months, set up rules and boundaries. Ask yourself, “What times of day do I need my devices, and when is it best for me to give them up?”
Do you need a hard cutoff at 8:30 pm? 9:00 pm? What does it look like for you? The later at night it gets, the greater the risk typically.
Decide what time in the morning you should pick your devices back up. Does 8:00 am or 9:00 am work? When do you actually need them?
Establish rules in advance (not in the moment). Go and set your devices in someone else's room at night. Then pick them back up in the morning.
Again, establish this time beforehand. Your brain will make up all sorts of excuses for why you should break the rules. Be aware of the addict brain and the tricks it tries to play. Pick up your devices only when you really, really need them, and you'll be thankful you did.
Then, down the line, your boundaries can get a little more flexible. But give this time. For me, it was months before I could start trusting myself a little more, but it would be years before I started to feel truly stable. And even then, you still need boundaries and rules, and to be aware of your state of mind and vulnerabilities.
If you think that this sounds weak or unnecessary, picture a heroin addict trying to quit heroin. When they go into rehab, does their mentor strap a needle to them and say “you need to learn some self-control”? Of course not! They cut off all access to their drug of choice.
Same thing with porn. It takes time for the brain to heal, and for a time we aren’t able to trust ourselves. And that’s okay. One day we will.
It Gets Hard Before It Gets Easy: “This Too Shall Pass”
“This too shall pass.” This is a phrase my mom used to use a lot when working through hard times, and it’s helped me.
In a lot of ways, this means living with mindfulness. As the Buddha taught, it’s knowing that all in life is impermanent. The Buddha taught that you can go through anything - any suffering, any pain - if you are fully present within this moment. While also understanding that suffering will not last forever.
This pain will pass. If I'm fully present with it, and I accept it as it is, I know that these cravings will pass. I know that this depression or this anxiety will pass. I know that this anger will pass.
Anxiety, depression, anger, impatience, boredom…all of these can fuel addiction if we're not aware of them and we can't stay present with them and accept them as they are.
In 2nd Corinthians 4:17-18, Paul says:
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. Since what is seen is temporal; but what is unseen is eternal.”
Even if you’re not Christian, you can learn from these teachings all the same. If you don’t believe in eternal glory in the same sense, maybe you could look at it as the peace you're going to experience later on. Looking forward and saying, “Okay, I'm going through cravings or difficult emotions right now, but I’m going to move through them because I know that eventually they will fade and I will experience more peace in the long-run by not allowing them to control me.”
You make the right choice now, which is harder for now, so that you can experience a better life down the road.
And I will tell you right now, the times that really define your sobriety are when you are in the toughest, most difficult times. The fires of life. That’s when you can gain deep resilience against addiction.
There was a time about 7 years ago where I was suffering near panic attack level anxiety for five months. And I've had anxiety throughout my life, but at this time it became far more intense. Something traumatic happened, and due to its impact my brain went into a state of deep anxiety.
I had to give up my devices. I had to lean more on others than ever, more on God than ever, and I had to find my footing again. But once I did, I was stronger in my sobriety than ever before because I had moved through the hard times. They didn’t defeat me.
You can do the same thing.
When you move through the hard times and you come out successful on the other end, it will empower your recovery for the rest of your life.
Cut Down on Intense Media
Tip number six is to cut down on intense media.
Intense media, in other words music, movies, video games that are violent, sexual, filled with foul language…they set your brain up for higher intensity. They make you desire more things that are quickly gratifying or explicit. They set you up to desire porn.
In a lot of ways, media that is explicit causes you to desire more of the things of the world - things that are carnal and pleasure-centered. If you're watching movies with violence or sex, or listening to music that is filled with anger - like heavy metal or rap - these things can set you up for porn addiction.
And I get it, I used to watch all of these types of movies and listen to all of this music. I played electric guitar, went to screamo concerts, banged my head, and went crazy in the mosh pits. I loved all of that stuff. It was fun. It got me hyped up. But eventually I had to do away with it because I realized it just made me too vulnerable to addictions. It really caused me to desire porn more.
And the tie between these can seem a little vague at first. What does listening to heavy metal have to do with porn? I take it back to a teaching from Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist Monk that wrote The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings (phenomenal book, by the way). He talks about how partaking in these types of things (angry music, violent movies, etc.) break down our sensitivity. They diminish our peace of mind. They cause more chaos in the mind.
From a Christian perspective, we might say that partaking in these things robs us of “The Spirit.” And I believe that’s true. But we don't have to believe in God necessarily to understand why watching and listening to these types of media would make us vulnerable to porn addiction. They’re all in the same vein. They all cause our mind to move out of sensitivity, subtlety, and love. They cause us to move into a state of carnal desire, anger, and passion. This is why we must be mindful of what we allow into our mind if we want to stop watching porn long-term.
Improve Your Diet
Tip number seven is to change your diet. And this might sound really odd to some of us. Let me break down why this helps us quit porn.
For thousands of years, the Hindus have taught that the health of your digestive system, in other words the health of your gut, relates directly to the health of your brain. This has been taught for a long time.
Now, in the Western world over the last 20 years, we've been studying the gut microbiome, which is the bacteria or microorganisms that live in our intestines and other organs in our gut. These have a direct impact on our mental health and our ability to absorb nutrients. And you can easily learn about this using a simple google search “the gut-brain connection.”
The nutrients we consume help build our brain. They help maintain our mood. They help to regulate our hormones and neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are those little “happy chemicals” like dopamine or serotonin. The things that we eat have a direct impact on these chemical levels, and these chemicals - many of which are made in the gut such as serotonin, dopamine, and GABA - regulate our mood. They help us feel motivated. They help us feel peace. They help us feel a sense of well-being. Some studies show that 90% of the serotonin that is utilized by our body and brain is produced in the gut.
So let’s take serotonin for instance - the neurotransmitter responsible a feeling of peace.
Serotonin is derived in part from the amino acid tryptophan. You may recognize this as one of the main proteins in the turkey we eat at Thanksgiving. Ya know, that feeling of “Ahhhh” we get sometimes after a big Thanksgiving meal, right? That comes in part from the serotonin that is produced from the Tryptophan.
In a basic sense, we consume foods with tryptophan. Our bodies combine tryptophan with B-vitamins. That is then transformed by the microorganisms in our intestines - helpful bacteria families such as Lactobacilli and Bifidobacteria species. These microorganisms do this using fermentation - which is a really complex process that I don’t understand, nor will explain here. Needless to say, scientists have discovered that they do it. Through this (and a host of other processes) serotonin is produced.
This is then utilized throughout the body for multiple processes, including regulating emotion in the brain.
There are many ways of improving the state of our digestive system and increasing our body’s ability to regulate the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin. I talk more about this in my podcast episode linked at the top of the article.
Realize Where Pornography Comes From
Tip number eight is to realize where pornography comes from.
A lot of porn out there comes from sex trafficking. Okay, so in other words, women that have been made sex slaves, they've been kidnapped, they've been forced to perform and act out porn.
We cannot trust the smiling faces or aroused expressions. Most of the women in porn are women who are in immense suffering and are being forced to do what they do. And if they do not perform, they will be beaten or even killed.
Know this can help motivate us not to partake. Remind ourselves of this when we are tempted to watch porn can help us have a reason not to.
Our brain objectifies the human body when we watch porn. We don't see people as human beings. I don't say that to make you feel bad about yourself if you're addicted to porn. It's just to help you understand that porn has trained your mind to objectify people. And the same way porn has trained your mind to do this, you can retrain your mind to see people as whole human beings again.
I teach my students how to retrain their mind in my 5-month course. I give you daily practices and exercises to undo the effects of porn addiction, so you can lose your desire for it over time. If you want to overcome porn addiction, check it out.
Daily Spiritual Practices
Tip number nine is to take part in daily spiritual practices. Really, I should put this as tip number one. But I know that everyone has a different way they take for long-term sobriety. For me this has been key for quitting porn.
Meditation, prayer, reading of spiritual words. For me, daily spiritual practice looks like doing my alignment meditations every day. And that's what I teach my students to do in my five month course.
Alignment Meditation has worked well for me for years. It’s a God-centered meditation where I focus upon the good of others - what I want others to feel when they're with me - I focus upon good attributes and characteristics that I want to connect with in my life, and I incorporate a breathing practice that I find helpful.
If you want to experience an Alignment Meditation for yourself, you’ll find one here.
But whether you choose this or something else, having a spiritual practice everyday is essential in my book.
I begin everyday by reading of spiritual words, whether from Hinduism, Taoism, Buddhism, or Christianity. Then I spend time on my knees, and then do an Alignment Meditation.