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Why I Became Addicted to Porn & How I Quit

Why do people become addicted to porn? Is it because they’re perverted, overly sexual, or just simply lonely? Is it because they need a better sex life or they just deal with “manly urges”?


The truth is, it’s none of these things.


I’m going to tell you why I became addicted to porn, and what kept me addicted for 10 years. It had nothing to do with craving sex, or “manly urges.”


Porn addiction has to do with your state of mind. Porn addiction recovery is about transforming that state of mind from one that is susceptible to addiction to one that isn’t.


The answers may not be easy, but some of them are simple. And while I can’t wave my magic wand or tell you “3 secrets that get you sober permanently”, I do have some advice and information I hope will help you in your journey.



Join the Private Facebook Group to help you quit porn


Download my free ebook & audiobook with tips on quitting porn


Explore the 5-Month Recovery Program


15 Tips for Porn Addiction Recovery


The Addiction/Fear Cycle | Where Pornography Addiction Comes From


To hear my full Porn Addiction Recovery Story, click here



Why People Become Addicted to Porn

If we are trying to stop watching porn, or seeking to understand a loved one who is addicted, we need to know that porn addiction has very little to do with the sexual act itself, and far more to do with getting a “fix”.


Research shows that pornography physically changes the brain. We can’t get the same “dopamine hit” during normal sex that we can during a session with porn.


Why? Think about the novelty that porn offers; the number of different partners and new experiences available at the click of the button. Think about how quickly someone can go from 0 to 100 with one of those “partners” in an instant… Is any of that like having sex in a real relationship? How can sex in real life possibly compete?


Porn addiction becomes addictive in part because it outdoes any sexual experience the human brain is meant to have. In addition, it is addictive because of the amount of shame that is often involved in the experience, which I’ll talk more about soon.


Why I Became Addicted to Porn

As a kid, I was high-strung, perfectionistic, and somewhat impulsive. I felt stressed out much of the time and had so much inner intensity that I simply didn’t have the skills or understanding to deal with. I also had low self-esteem, and, more importantly, a low sense of self-worth. I didn’t believe I was worthy of good things. I had negative self-talk and was worried others didn’t accept me.


In my experience, this is quite common for those with addiction. Whether that be an addiction to porn, sex, cocaine, gambling, or some other “drug of choice”.


As a kid, I sought out video games and junk food as a way to cope with all of the stress I was facing. These helped me self-soothe, albeit ineffectively and temporarily. When I was 13, I then sought out porn as a way to cope.


I didn’t know that I was high-strung or stressed out. To me, it was just normal life. These negative feelings fueled my need for a “fix”, just as they do for others I have worked with and observed.



Shame and Porn Addiction

From the very beginning, I hid my behaviors with porn. I felt ashamed of what I was doing, and I believed if anyone found out they would say I was despicable and no longer want to be associated with me. Was this true? Probably not. But it’s what I believed.


This feeling of shame kept me hooked on porn. It may sound strange but addiction is deeply linked with shame. In a strange way, I think they are two sides of the same coin. Without shame, you cannot develop an addiction. And often, I think, you cannot experience a great deal of shame without feeling the need to cope through addiction.


Here’s the thing. The human brain - at least the primitive part of if - craves intensity and stimulation. This often means that we seek out pleasurable experiences that make us feel good.


However, this is not the whole story.


In my experience working with addicts one-on-one and my own recovery over the last 8 years, I’ve seen a trend. Often when we go through addiction, we don’t only become addicted to the pleasure…but also to the pain. In a strange and somewhat backwards way, we come to crave the shame, disappointment, and self-loathing. There is a part of our brain that loves this intensity.


The primitive part of our brain craves stimulation, and it will get it any way that it can. It doesn’t care if that way is positive…or negative. It simply seeks to be stimulated.


Without shame, we do not keep behaviors a secret. Without secrecy, addiction cannot develop. Without shame and secrecy we cannot become attached to the intensity of an addictive behavior. Because, the thing is, it is often not intense enough to keep us hooked unless it is shameful and secret.


In a way, I also think that shame and addiction are “linked up to the same network.” They are both feelings of negativity and darkness. The more of these types of feelings we experience, the more drawn we are to them. Just as we are drawn to more positive, uplifting feelings the more we experience them.


This can make it difficult to recover, as we get stuck in an ever deepening pit we feel we cannot climb out of.


To learn more about how shame fuels addiction, listen to this.



How I Quit Porn

While it’s hard to sum up my path to overcome porn addiction in the final section of a blog article, I want to give you (or your loved one) several pointers to help you out. Here they are:


  • Work on finding genuine self-worth: The world teaches us to place a lot of conditions on our self-worth. When we do, it often causes us to feel shame and a sense of unworthiness. I have some tips for finding deeper self-worth here. Finding true self-worth is one of the biggest focuses of my 5-month recovery program. I teach you daily practices and thought strategies to help you place fewer conditions on your self-worth so you can recover long-term.

  • Engage in daily spiritual practices: Whether you’re Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, etc. if you want to quit porn I believe you need to have a meaningful spiritual practice everyday. What does this look like? For me, it looks like prayer and Alignment Meditation, as well as reading of spiritual words from different faiths.

  • Nutrition: Your physical health plays a large role in how strong your addiction cravings become. If you want to stop watching porn, consider cutting processed foods and junk foods out of your diet and replace these foods with healthy ones like veggies, beans, nuts, seeds, and fermented foods.

  • Exercise: The more stress we feel, the more susceptible we are to addiction. Exercise, especially intense exercise (such as weight lifting or high-intensity cardio) can help increase hormones that make us feel good so that we are less prone to feelings of stress. In addition, because we are voluntarily subjecting ourselves to pain (beneficial pain), we become more resilient to uncomfortable feelings like addiction cravings.

  • Replace negative thinking with positive thinking: Negative thinking can lead us into porn addiction, as addiction feeds off of negative feelings like fear and shame. This is why practices such as Alignment Meditation can be so helpful, as they relieve us of negative thinking patterns by replacing them with positive thinking patterns and connection to God.

  • Gratitude: I use gratitude writing everyday to help me stay sober. If you want to know how to use gratitude to help you reach sobriety, download my free ebook & audiobook.

  • Focusing on others rather than self: Addiction relies on selfish thoughts. Selfishness relies on feelings of fear and isolation. By turning our focus outward, we cut off one of the main sources of addictive urges and cravings.

  • Get support: Having a support group can make all of the difference in helping us stay sober. We need others to lean on in the hard times so we can stay the course. Join the Become A Good Man Online Community for free.

  • Follow a program: Getting sober can be very difficult to figure out on our own. Check out my 5-month program to get clean.



Why I Became Addicted to Porn: My Recovery Story

I hope that this information has been helpful to you. Porn addiction is not what it seems on the surface. It’s not simply about a desire for sex, “manly urges”, or being lonely. Porn addiction goes much deeper than that.


To recover, I had to come to understand the deep-seated reasons why I became addicted to porn in the first place and begin changing my habits and thought patterns. If you want to learn more, I recommend listening to my recovery story.


To hear my full Porn Addiction Recovery Story, click here


Join the Private Facebook Group to help you quit porn


Download my free ebook & audiobook with tips on quitting porn


Explore the 5-Month Recovery Program


15 Tips for Porn Addiction Recovery


The Addiction/Fear Cycle | Where Pornography Addiction Comes From


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